multiplicity

in an effort to 'streamline the efficiency' of my posts, i'm attempting to blog more often, in shorter "bursts". if i make it a habit, i'll probably end up posting a lot, which wouldn't be such a bad thing, since i'm all talk and no walk. haha.

I've come to realize two things about myself/the name Brian. First is that it's probably one of the most common names. In my high school japanese class, there were four Brians (two white guys, and two asian guys), including myself. And in KCM, there are four Bri(y)ans (myself, BK, Bai, and Frosh Brian), as well as Bryant! The second thing I realized about myself is that, I've slowly, but surely, become the least popular Brian in KCM. In a strange way, things have always been this way. I think this situation was best epitomized by what occurred last night at UCLA/USC Night: We were walking around campus in our various "tribes" or game groups, and I guess Joohee was in the group that we just walked past. Because I was kind of trailing the rest of the group, I thought she was calling for me, since I heard someone faintly calling out "Brian". As I turned around and walked towards her, I began to hear clearly and correctly just who she was calling for: Bryan Bai. It was only when I started walking closer when she changed courses and abruptly squeezed in a greeting for me.

But yeah. Just for context -- My freshman year, our president was Bryan Kim. Now, imagine an awkward/new freshman (me), walking into KCM not knowing everyone, sharing the same name as the president. At first, I thought everyone was being really welcoming and doing a great job of remembering my name -- in fact, I got whiplash from turning my head back and forth to look at all the people calling for my name. This excitement quickly soured as I realized that each and every time, they were ALL calling for President Bryan. Because of that, I actually developed a habit of not responding to my name; a habit that persists to this very day. It wasn't anything that was depressing or hard to live with, but it was just a minor annoyance, knowing that I was very rarely the Brian people were looking/calling for. But yeah, as it stands, Bryan was a senior that year, so the year's worth of confusion and annoyances came to an end... or so I thought. The next 2+ years, I obviously grew a lot, found a niche for myself, but underratedly and importantly, I finally escaped the shadow of Bryan and became the only Brian in KCM. But in the last 1.5 years or so, along came the other 3 Bri/yans mentioned earlier. Now, they're all awesome guys, I love them, and they represent the name well, but this year feels just like freshman year again. It's just especially funny/sobering because even though I'm a senior and have been here longer, my apparent anonymity in KCM strikes me as funny and, to be frank, even a little unexpected. If I am the least popular Brian among the guys, I'm an even less popular Brian among the ladies. I'm not the most popular, best looking, etc, out of the Brians. The only "most" or "-est" I am, is being the oldest... Yeah. I don't know why I'm writing about it, but the fact that I am probably means, as much as I don't like to admit it, that it's something that I do care about and am bothered by. I definitely wouldn't say I'm jealous as much as I am just perplexed or strangely amused by the situation in which I find myself. Maybe, in my own self-deprecating nature, I tend to block out the cries of "Brian" that are meant for me, and instead, focus on the 75% of the other cries for "Brian" that are meant for the other Brians. But then again, this is assuming that all 4 of us garner equal attention and "hollers"... which, even objectively speaking, is highly doubtful.

Another topic I want to write about is living situations/housing/etc, in light of the USG elections and especially in light of the lotteries having taken place and new apartments having been formed. The first thing is that, it's so funny, and yet so familiar, watching all the kiddos going through drama, stress and the ups and downs of finding roommates and trying to find a place to live in the upcoming year. At my current vantage point, as a graduating senior, it's so easy for me to detach myself and not concern myself with it, but I cannot help but recall my own emotional rollercoaster just 2-3 years back. In fact, much to most of your guy's knowledge, there was a very REAL chance that I might have lived with someone else rather than my current roommates starting sophomore year. I had become very good friends with some of the guys in my Writing 140 class (William Arce & Friends), and two of them were rooming together and they asked if I wanted to live with them. At the same time, I think my current roommates, Albert, Daniel and Justin, were leaning towards living in a 4 person/2 room apartment, meaning it came down to either myself or Daniel's old roommate, Andre. Having had that option of living with my 140 friends, especially in the face of an uncertain situation that I just described, I gave heavy thought to joining my 140 friends. Obviously, that wasn't the case, and my roommates and I decided to live in a 5 person Troy East (thus accommadating both myself AND Andre), and obviously the rest was history. But still, I can't help but think back to what would have been, had I gone the other path. Would I have even stayed in KCM? Would I have even become a Polisci major? Who would I be at this point had I lived with my 140 friends instead?

Another thing I think about, in lieu of the hustle and bustle of housing time, lease signing, USC housing lottery, etc, is the drama/emotions that are entailed the process, especially when it comes to finding/replacing roommates. There are a variety of ways roommates come together to form an apartment... There is the roommates-by-necessity situation (when you have no one else to live with and thus live with ANYONE that you know, or even worse, live with RANDOMs that you find somehow), there is the roommates-by-fate situation (this is the most ideal situation in which all 4-5 members mutually agree and come together with the least amount of controversy/shadiness/etc, as though their coming together was destined by fate), but the one way that is most disconcerting is the roommates-by-addition-by-subtraction. This occurs in some sort of combination of an apartment's arrangement retaining most of its core members, but replacing one (because either they're not in the good graces of the rest of the apartment anymore, or because the apartment has an even more attractive replacement for that member). Either way you put it, there is rejection. There is nothing wrong with not feeling someone as a roommate, or even mutually agreeing/thinking that it's better to part ways. In fact, there definitely are situations when lifestyle/philosophical/genuine conflicts would be better resolved in parting than staying together. What is wrong, unedifying and ultimately, least glorifying to God, is when methods of scheming, judging and general shadiness are involved in this process. Whether it is twisting words, being duplicitous, or even getting other people involved, it's just not a healthy thing to see anywhere. I would also hope that for many of us fellow brothers and sisters, that second chances would be something that would be plentiful. There is no such thing as a perfect roommate, and for one roommate to cast judgment on another as "unworthy" or "incompatible" would be hypocritical and even strange, when considering THEIR OWN shortcomings and faults as a roommate. I would only hope that current, as well as future, roommates can live according to the following exhortations from scripture:

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (Proverbs 17:17)

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with the compassion, kindness, humility, gentelness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (Colossians 3:12-14)

Yeah. This seems about the right place to end this post. Hope it was an easier/shorter/more organized read this time for all of you.

PS -- I wanted to mention that I dislike all baby videos. I find them boring and unfunny... the 'Charlie Bit Me' and the 'Dentist Kid' video don't make me laugh. Yeah.

- BH