the daily grind

so since the last update, not much has happened.. and you know, i think that's just life. sometimes i think we, as people, have a tendency to live life from miracle to miracle or that it's only worth telling when crazy stuff happens. i think there is a beauty in the daily grind, how you go to class, study, work, exercise.. too often we fall into a malaise in the midst of routine.. but i think we need to always remind ourselves of psalm 118:24 - "this is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it". the more we look back and regret past mistakes and look forward and worry about the future yet to come, the more each current day slips through our hands. even in something as trivial and redundant as everyday life, we can be fruitful.

lets see.. a couple of things to update on. last time i was talking about leaning towards going on KCM STSM 2K9, and at this point, I think it's pretty much a lock (still praying about it though). as of now, i've already begun to save up my own money as well as engaging in some informal fundraising via family and church. praying, reading and talking to friends, uganda teammates, etc has helped. but yeah. anyways, i don't know if i mentioned this in my last post, but i guess as of now, my top 3 choices (in order or pref) would be a tie between China and Japan, followed by Uganda. Nothing against India and Russia, but I just feel that God is leading me to either China/Japan or bringing me back to Uganda to show me more. I guess through contemplation, prayer and reading, I've come to realize that the main reason why I'm going out again is simply to celebrate God. And I think that things like spreading the gospel, sharing fellowship, praying and reading and everything naturally flows from that basic beginning point. but yeah, i've just finished my application, will probably double check it, and send it in in the following week or so.. and then will come the missions rally chapel feb 8, then deadline the first week of march, and then training. but yes, pray for me.

so in a shocking development, i've started dieting and working out again. just as context, i came into college weighing in at about 200 pounds.. keep in mind that i was about 5'7" at most, so i was as tall as i was wide. but freshmen year, i was surprisingly able to lose about 2 freshmen 15s (about 30 lbs or so) and got down to around 165-170 pounds. of course after i got down to that point, i ceased to exercise and through my sophomore and junior years, i gained about at least half the weight back. this past summer, i actually resumed working out and slimmed down about 10 lbs or so, but for the last 3 months or so, i think i gained it all back and weighed in recently at around 190 pounds. i don't think the problem is starting to work out, but rather (as many people can probably relate) it's keeping it off and working out even more. i think people plateau because they have a innate limit that they're used to succumbing to.. and when it comes to either pass that limit or fold, people usually do the latter. but yeah, as of this week i've resumed a low calorie diet consisting of slim fast and lean cuisine (i don't know whether to laugh or feel sorry for myself haha) and a workout routine of running and 8 minute abs/buns/legs. i've always dieted or worked out with good results, but i've never done both at the same time.. but i'm hoping that doing both will get me even better results, but it will definitely take getting used to as i get tired (from not eating as much as i'm used to) and get really hungry. it's actually funny whenever i get hungry at late night or whatever, because that's when i usually do a little evening devotion in which i read 5 chapters of psalm and 1 chapter of proverbs, and the consistent thing i kept reading yesterday was about being filled by the Spirit and being content in God. so yeah. as for target weight or weight loss, i don't have one, but rather, i'm just going to keep going and hope for the best.

i guess the last thing to update on is my love life (or lack thereof). i've realized, painfully, that as much as i've thought i've really liked certain girls over the course of college, that underlying all of these "endeavors" was an unquenchable obsession with the concept of wanting a girlfriend. of course, the fact that i've been single my entire life doesn't help to simmer my "thirst", if you will. i thought about it, and it really saddened me to realize that so often, i would think about wanting a girlfriend as often, if not more, than i did about God. I guess in a way, this became my idol. But yeah, in conclusion, it's not that I'm deciding to become celibate and like totally ignore all members of the female race. Instead, I've realized that things don't happen at all or go the way you want things to go when you force them to happen. I'm just going to focus on what I can control (my personal walk, school, church, etc) and if I do meet and find a girlfriend, it will be in the flow of what God will do in my life, rather than as a result of my obsessive desire taking over.

something i've realized lately is the danger of complacency. it's true that life has been good for me lately.. i've been reading scripture, praying, and living life in general with great motivation. but then i came to realize, just yesterday, the dangers of drowning in this joy. that in the midst of this "contentness", it can lead to spiritual blind spots coming up and like totally tripping me up whenever. what really spurred on this realization was when i was reading my bible (i'm currently in the latter parts of matthew in the NT) and was reading matthew 25 and Jesus tells the disciples, "whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me" and later, "whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me". i realized that though things are going good for me personally, that these basic thoughts never even passed through my head once, because i was doing so good on my own. i realized that, maybe yes, i was doing good in a specific aspect of my walk, but more so than that, perhaps i was completely blind to the other aspects to which Jesus calls us to honor and live out. I am humbled by this.


- BH