Nike

A logo and brand synonymous with one phrase. When you hear "Nike", you think "just do it", and vice-a-versa. Whether Nike conjures up images of Michael Jordan hitting a clutch shot or a generic jogger pushing through that last mile in the pouring rain, there is a common emphasis on perseverance, manning up, and just doing it (for lack of a better qualifier).

I started thinking randomly about this slogan because it could hardly be any more indicative of the lot of us in life. In fact, a more fitting slogan for us these days would be something more like "just wait for someone else to do it" or "just put if off until you HAVE to do it", etc. But it's because of the lack of sense of urgency that you hardly see initiative. This is part of the reason why people are lazy and don't go out of their way to welcome outsiders/newcomers at churches, this is why people don't maximize their academic performances, and ultimately, this is why we don't maximize ourselves for things bigger than ourselves - we're often too lazy and too selfish to "just do it".

I can say all this not just from observing, but from personal experience. The most common excuses are that we're lazy, unsuited, or that eventually, someone else will do it. But that attitude is exactly the reason why all those shortcomings mentioned above occur. Many of us are guilty of thinking that "if I don't do it, someone else will!", and at times it is true because of the very few people that are genuinely initiating and engaging at church, school, etc. But these guys can only cover so much ground, because unfortunately, this sort of lazy thinking is infectious and all of the sudden, not only are you thinking that someone else will do it, but so is everyone else, ending up in this mess we're trying to solve in the first place.

From personal experience, there are a few common threads in the common inability to "just do it", the first being, simply, you don't want to do it. The answer to this is, even though it's cliche and I hate the acronym, WWJD? There's no better example of how to live than Christ. Every word and action were purposeful, punctual and productive. He manned up, suited up, (fill in the blank)ed up and did what He had to do, including nothing short of... I don't know, reconciling the sinful world to God and like, saving the world? But the question I think we all need to take from Christ and wrestle with is that if He, as God, "just did it" for lowly sinful bunches like us, then why can't/shouldn't we "just do it" for one another? Aren't we called to be the salt and light of the earth and also to sharpen one another as iron sharpens iron?

Another reason from experience why people don't "just do it" is because they think "what's the point of doing it if no one notices/acknowledges it" and "it's dirty work anyways". I wrote at length about this in a past blog post (around the middle) but suffice it to say, this was what I struggled with the most often. I struggled very much with doing things without recognition, especially doing menial tasks/manual labor that no one else wanted to do. But again, scripture brought clarity on this issue in Matthew 6:3-4 and 6, when Jesus talks about how to pray, fast, do charity, etc. Yes, not everyone at all times will be aware or even appreciative of the things we're doing but we should take heart that God in heaven sees, acknowledges and rewards us for these things, as mentioned in the referenced verse in Matthew 6.

Finally, the last common excuse is that we're too content and basically, lazy to "just do it". Overcontentment, especially when it's self-centered, leads to increasing blindspots and often, a hard fall back into reality/sin. I think we can all agree on that point. As for laziness, just see what scripture says about it in proverbs ALONE (Proverbs 13:4, 21:25, 19:15, etc).

The alarming trend is that in all these "reasons" for not just doing it - reaching out, taking initiative, taking risks, CONTENDING FOR THE GOSPEL, it all seems to go back to the realization that more often than not, we're too self-centered and just plain apathetic. We're too comfortable in our routines, cliques, etc and too stuck in our preconceptions and pride to "just do it". But we shouldn't be. The gospel isn't complicated, and in fact, it couldn't be any clearer than it already is. The truth is, we have no excuse for ourselves. We're playing around with living/contending/preaching the gospel like it's hot potato and we're just tossing it around hoping someone else will catch and run with it because we're too lazy/scared to. Things need to change.

miles davis and "THE COOL"

the greatest thing and yet, the worst thing, about this transition period in my life has been the free time. the main byproduct of having had so much free time is that it's allowed me to think and reflect on my past experiences. the recurring things i've been thinking about have been "the cool" (my euphemism for popularity), dating/relationship, and the "korean-american" experience as discussed here. unfortunately, there is a lot on my mind, so this will be a rather long post... so bear with me.

for me, popularity was such an issue and concern all the way through high school. it was in college when i finally grew up and kind of realized what really matters. and i feel like it's safe to say that many others did as well. i can't speak for others, but for me, i was able to rise above the materialistic/shallow notions of popularity i've been stifled by through high school by college. ultimately, i realized that the reason why i was so concerned all those years about how many friends and who my friends was because of lack of internal satisfaction. because of my bouts of inferiority complex, i would yearn to befriend the "cooler" people, because of my bouts of superiority complex, i would assume and take advantage of the "fodder" because i thought i was better than them. the roller coaster ups and downs that normally accompanied these experiences was because i strayed from personal comfort and satisfaction (in myself, in God, in family) and yearned for what i couldn't necessarily control (people's perceptions, etc). in college, i feel like i really learned how bigger life is and how little things like prepubescent notions of popularity matter in the big scope of things.

and yet, the unfortunate thing about this are my peers who have yet to critically assess, understand and act on this observation. from my experiences, i've observed and interacted with a variety of people, with their common theme being an inability to detach themselves from this mindless pursuit of "the cool". one of the "types" i've often seen are the ones with inferiority complexes with a glaring and constant need to "compensate" in their feelings of inadequacy by clinging and overemphasizing jobs, particular friends and other materialistic things. the two immediate consequences for these people are that 1) they make a VERY glaring distinction between the things they cling onto and the things they throw away and that 2) lost in all this overcompensation is God. not only is there idolatry in their clinging onto particular people, things, etc, but there is a genuine disruption of fellowship in making a distinction in who to associate themselves with. for me, i can clearly see that they're trying so hard, that there is some kind of void, but most importantly, the biggest concern is what these people are going to do when everyone and everything around them change and move on, but they're still stuck in this mentality. a particular example, whom i'll call Mr. X, fits the bill. Mr. X defined himself in what he wore, the jobs he had, and most importantly, the crowd he hung out with. if certain people were crowned the "it" people, you would be sure to find Mr. X there, clinging. and after a certain amount of time, they would move on to the next "it" group of people, and so on. and unfortunately, from talking to Mr. X and observing closely, he was similarly prone to roller coaster ups-and-downs in personal satisfaction and comfort, and every time i saw Mr. X, the most common thought/concern that i would think would be "I wonder if he's really happy".

on the other end of the spectrum, there are those with the superiority complexes. simply put, these are the types who are just arrogant, vain and baseless in their dispositions. though the major issue is that of lack of humility, this problem ends up having numerous ramifications. first off, with the lack of perspective on salvation, of God, these people wrongly and dangerously inflate themselves to something greater than what they need to remember that they, along with everyone else, are: sinful and wretched. another effect this has is that, like the "inferior" types, they tend to be selective in the people they hang out with, often concerning themselves with others not for genuine fellowship to sharpen one another, but often as just an extension and exercise in strengthening, nurturing and dwelling in their self-sense of superiority. ultimately and unfortunately, these guys often buy into their own hype, and this fact bleeds through.

for those who are close to me, you have probably witnessed me self-deprecating myself in regards to my forever-singlehood and almost-but-not-quite-there/yet experiences with girls numerous times. for context, take the time to watch mark driscoll's sermon on marriage & men here (caution: you might want to wear like 5 cups). i think i have been so accustomed to being envious of other couples, friends dating, etc, but listening to the M&M sermon and others in the past reminded me that we ultimately date to marry. so ironically, the fact that people have dated 10, 20, 50, 100+ times isn't something necessarily to be jealous about, nor is my 0 dating experience something to be ashamed about. furthermore, i've been prone to daydreaming about dating so-and-so, and doing this-and-that, but i've been realizing more and more (and the driscoll sermon has only cemented my thoughts) the gravity of relationships. it's not a light matter, much less something to casually daydream about. i think what has sobered me the most is what mark driscoll said about marriage and relationships, that it is truly fearful thing for a woman to commit her life and all to a man. and on the other side, dating, relationships and marriage is not a light matter when men realize that these aren't just females or girls, but these are daughters of God. period. and in connection to all this, manliness isn't a matter of how buff, how rich, how smelly or whatever one is, but manliness is about personal responsibility. it comes down to taking our burdens, getting some balls, and taking care of ourselves before we even think about marriage.

unfortunately, this thought process hasn't always been my mentality, especially during my days in KCM. and obviously, hindsight is 20-20, but it concerns me that there are probably many guys still in college and KCM, whose mindsets are probably like how mine was in that time. a pastor once joked that KCM stands for "Korean Chicks for Me", but knowing how I thought, how guys think, he wasn't too far off. on the one hand, it is kind of a good thing in that if you were to meet someone, it would ideally be someone from church or a campus ministry. but on the other hand, if meeting someone isn't just a part of the process but ultimately the reason why you come out, then something is wrong and priorities aren't straight. in light of the fact that KCM should be having their annual UR (University Retreat) in a matter of weeks, it's amusing, but at the same time, disconcerting to wonder how many guys are going primarily (or even minutely) because of meeting girls from other campuses. no one's going to probably say that out loud, but it is what is on the minds of many guys, because it was something that was on my mind in years past. if only i knew then what i know now.

in critiquing the korean-american experience (this includes our KA churches, KCMs, etc), it ultimately boils down to pride. pride in feeling superior and not wanting to let others in, and pride in not wanting to put themselves out there and face the possibility of rejection. through my experiences, i have become strongly convinced that we all are VERY aware of what we want to do versus what we should do. if jesus would DIE for associate with us, people of sin and diseases, etc, why shouldn't we do the same? when it matters, how reflective of the gospel is our lives?

in closing, it's funny, but it's not a total coincidence that the particular examples and experiences i've recalled have all occurred within the confines of kcm and church. not that i'm citing an exclusive correlation, but the fact that there is some sort of pattern is disconcerting. i think so often we're so comfortable with status quo and majority rules that we settle and become complacent. but when status quo and majority rules is fear, pride, and an unwillingness to try things and extend oneself for the Gospel, it is inexcusable. it means we are bathing in sin.

The Aftermath...

The only thing I can say with certainty is that I didn't feel like I aced it or breezed through it. Then again, how I felt during the test was never indicative of the score I got during practice exams. Then again, I do have cause for concern in the parts that I screwed up on. If I have any chance of getting the score I need, it'll be solely by GRACE.

Now the waiting game begins..

The Night Before...

4 months, 120 days, 30 practice exams, 1000+ pages of study books... all leading up to tomorrow. After all this time, all the blood, sweat and tears, it's finally test day in about 12 hours. You can probably guess the gamut of emotions I'm feeling: anxiety, excitement, fear, etc. That's part of what makes me crazy, that all the numbers I mentioned at the top have all been for a 6 hour test day, that 4 months of studying is for not even a quarter of a day's worth of testing. And yet, this will determine my upcoming year, and eventually, my course in life.

To be sure, the texts, the encouragements and the prayers that people have offered during this time have been great. In a time and process where I could have really become introverted and isolated myself with a "me-against-the-world" mentality, it's has been a blessing to see people caring about and encouraging me throughout this time.

And yet, there's a myriad of worries. Ultimately, for all the high scores I got on practice exams, the only score that will matter is the one I get tomorrow. By no means have I completely overcome my bad test taking habits. If I don't get my target score, I will most likely have to take another year off to get a better score, and taking another year off could bring anything. There is pressure on all sides. There is the personal pressure I put on myself to do the very best I can. There is the familial pressure to hurry up and get the score to go to law school and get a job. There is the social pressure in that everyone else has finished the process, gotten good scores and getting acceptances while I'm still at ground zero. But spiritual pressure is something I've been struggling with the most.

I think this comes down to the difference between knowing and believing. The reason why I've been praying so often that I wouldn't take the LSAT solely trusting in my knowledge, that I would take this test in faithfulness, is because, intellectually, I understand the gospel, God's providence and yet, at some level in my heart, I have doubt. I can spit out all sorts of rhetoric about how I believe God will provide, but I know that come tomorrow, there will be moments of doubt. And the funny and sort of unfortunate thing is, if I do get a score of my liking, THEN I'd probably be more inclined to mouth off non-stop "God is good! He provides", "I always believed He'd provide", etc. But how come I can't TRULY believe that now? In all this uncertainty? In reference to Hebrews 11:1, any dummy can believe after seeing, but it takes true faith and hope to believe without seeing.

I guess what I've been splitting hairs about is that on the one hand, this test won't matter in the long run, so there's no need to live as though it's the end-all-be-all. That more so than praying that God gives me this or that, that I should be praying for faithfulness in all things, for big picture things. But on the other hand, this test tomorrow does matter, and it's hard for me to find that balance between trusting in my abilities and yet, trusting God would provide.

There's a lot that I know from listening to sermons, taking notes, reading scripture, but there's still so much to understand, and to experience. What does it say about me that I can say I "know" the gospel, and yet, the moment something like the LSAT comes up, my genuine belief wavers and I'm faced with more questions than answers?

At this moment, at least, I don't have the absolute answers to these struggles, but the bible does. These are specific verses that I recalled, in light of the big day tomorrow:

Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 34:8

Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

I hope that as I pray and meditate on these truths and promises, that I would not only know and understand, but really experience them. And not just tomorrow during my LSAT, but beyond that.

Green Eggs & Ham: K-Pop, Daydreaming & Idolatry

So much for keeping up with posting church sermons every Sabbath. It's never a lack of things to talk about that leads to inactivity, but just plain old laziness. But today/now/recently, there's been an alarming trend in my life that I thought I should address. At first glance, the title may seem random altogether, and it's not hard to think that just as green eggs and ham are rather random, so are the things I list afterwards. But there is a connection, and a scary one at that.

It was only 2 months ago this all started. It wasn't even October yet, it had just been over a month since I came back from Japan, USC football wasn't yet in the toilet and the NBA season had yet to start. In relation to K-Pop, I knew SNSD (Girl's Generation) had too many attractive girls of whom I could only name 2 or 3 out of the 130948309482 members... and that was about the extent of my knowledge of the world of K-Pop. It all started innocently.. I was watching more and more Korean variety shows, I started to follow Korean celebrity news a little more and more, but eventually this snowballed and 2 months later, I'm sitting at my desk caring about the most inane of things ranging from the return of an exiled Jay to 2PM to whatever new outfit/image K-Pop Girl Band A, B & C are popularizing. In short, I know that I share an obsession/habit with that of prepubescent 12-14 year old Korean girls, but I always appealed to the stock excuse that "it's all in harmless/stupid fun".

With this said, the connections to daydreaming should be becoming clearer. Recently, my older sister made a comment that, though the Korean media isn't unique in this, the whole variety/reality show phenomenon in Korea with all the celebrities that is very particular to Korea reminded her of the Jim Carrey movie, The Truman Show. If you haven't seen it (I highly recommend it), the movie is about Jim Carrey's character's life being a reality show which everyone except his character is aware of. One of the points of the movie and my sister's point is that the fad/obsession with the reality/variety shows in Korea creates this nagging addiction where the general population lives vicariously through the celebrities. These reality shows aim to make the audience feel that they are close to the celebrities, or even better, they can relate and be in their shoes. Whether it be a reality show like "We Got Married" or a variety show like "Star Golden Bell" or pretty much any show you can fill in the blank with, they offer an escape from reality and entrance into a world of daydreams.

I can personally attest to all of this. Stupid as it may sound, I was hooked into the hook-ups, scandals, dating news, etc in the celebrity world, mainly because I daydreamed of that being me and because I place these celebrities on a pedestal. It was fun to not think about my drags of reality and every day life (LSAT, law school, studying, etc) and immerse and daydream of a different world. One celebrity liking another, fake scandals to the left and to the right, the drama, etc, it offered an escape but also a seemingly more enticing alternative to my "boring" life. However, a closer inspection of my obsession with this pop culture and the daydreaming that ensued revealed danger.

A friend of mine once told me that daydreaming was dangerous because he thought it was directly related to wanting to escape from reality and desiring and coveting something "better" or something "else", and that this was particularly dangerous as he saw it as a direct dissatisfaction in God. When I remembered this, it was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back as I slapped my forehead and wondered what the heck I was doing with my life. The more time consuming this interest became, the more my mind wandered from scripture and satisfaction in the Creator and drifted towards daydreaming and obsessing over creations. At this breaking point where this interest in K-Pop threatened to consume me, I was reminded of the dangers of daydreaming and idolatry. Daydreaming stems from boredom and dissatisfaction in life and strives to fill that void by imagining something ELSE that one covets and desires. Furthermore, this coveting and dissatisfaction leads us to seek comfort and satisfaction in the material things, in storing treasures on Earth, resulting in idolatry.

This post isn't going to be groundbreaking or even, to be blunt, original. But it is a reflective, remindful piece that I think we all need. That we need not store treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but to place and hopes and treasures in God in heaven, where the moth and rust DO NOT destroy and where thieves DO NOT break in and steal. The material fades away, but salvation and the Kingdom do not fade. This past Sabbath, Pastor Edward (our new head pastor) spoke on Genesis 3 and paradise. He mentioned that paradise is not a place, but a relationship. In reference to Genesis and creation, paradise to God wasn't the Garden of Eden, but the relationship with Adam & Eve. And just as He shed the blood of animals to cover them, Christ shed His blood to cover us. It's time to stop being dissatisfied by our shortcomings and instead, rediscover satisfaction in His covering of our shortcomings.

Yeah.

Sunday Sermon [9/27/09] - Pastor Edward Kim

For personal accountability/reminder and just to share with readers of this blog (which will hopefully be a blessing to you all), I've decided to blog/post my sermon notes after church. For background information, our head/senior pastor is stepping down and Pastor Edward, who spoke today, is our leading candidate to become our new head pastor. Here are a few things on his resume which was attached to our jubo (i was very impressed, not that works is important on its own but nevertheless, he has done quite a bit):

• Fuller Seminary - studying for a PhD in Historical Theology
• Princeton Seminary - M. Div Degree
• NYU Law School - JD Degree
• Pomona College - BA in Politics
• Church experience in Ambassadors Presbyterian Church (PCUSA), Good Shepherd Presbyterian Church (PCUSA), and Princeton Korean Community Church (KPCA)
• Worked in IJM

Today's text: Hebrews 12:1-3

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

For the introduction, Pastor Edward opened by making a reference to the highly successful self-improvement book, "Seven Effective Habits of Highly Successful People". From this book, he made a reference in regards to one of many effective habits to live by: the habit to live with the end in mind. With this said, he went into his three major points/questions.

1) WHY live with the end in mind?

By living with the end in mind, the ultimate form would be living with death in mind. By living with death in mind, this allows you to focus on what matters most. An extreme example would be the phone conversations those on the hijacked planes had with their loved ones on 9/11, just before perishing. Living in this way, with death in mind, constantly reveals to us what makes our lives meaningful and helps guide us. A common exercise that puts this into practice is imagining that it's your funeral and writing down what you would want people to say about you in their eulogy. By doing that, you're able to see what you're living for, what your goals are. By living with the end in mind, you are living towards a goal, by seeking and seeing the finish line. With this, he refers to the text by highlighting the call to endure and running and living with perseverance by seeing the end, by fixing our eyes on Jesus.

2) Why don't people begin with the end in mind?

There is the race that the scripture calls us to live by, but Pastor Edward pointed out that many of us do not run the race but rather, the rat race instead. By rat race, he means those wheels in mouse/hamster cages that they run- in-place on. So, why the rat wheel instead? For this point, he brought in external text from "The Denial of Death" by psychologist, Ernest Becker. In this book, Becker theorizes that in order to deny death, we pursue different "immortality projects" that distracts and delude us from death. The projects that distract us are things such as drugs, entertainment, and various addictions that help us escape from the harsh realities of life. Then there are the projects that delude us into thinking that everything is alright. So in the end, through these "immortality projects", people all cheat, lie, and hide in one way or the other to avoid the fact we are all manure. We pursue the rat race rather than THE RACE because we don't want to face reality and have our fears confirmed that indeed, we are worthless.

2.5) Fundamental Tension?

This comes from the fact that in living with the end in mind, death reveals to us what is precious, and yet threatens us by revealing to us our inequities, fickleness and worthlessness, this all presented throughout the first two points/questions. How then, does one resolve this tension? And even if death reveals what is precious, it's not automatic that the byproduct of this is a greater cherishing for God.

3) So, how to begin with God and the end in mind?

The scripture text has a parallel structure referring to not only our own, but Jesus' race as well. And from the text, it follows we endure as He endured. The term "author and perfector", in Greek, translates to mean a first place finish in a race. At this point, Pastor Edward brings up a personal example of how when his father found out his potentially fatal heart condition, he did not tell Pastor Edward, because in his FATHER'S living and approaching that end/death, what he saw as precious and joy was his son, Pastor Edward, along with his marriage, which had just occurred, and thus he did not tell anyone about his health condition. When Pastor Edward found out about this, instead of running away, he was drawn towards and took greater joy in loving and caring for his father. So, in context of the scripture text, we were the joy/end/goal/finish line that was set before Christ that HE takes great joy and pride in (Phil 4:1, Zep 3:17). We were the end He had in mind on the cross. So, as He thought of US in His death and crucifixion, (referring back to question/point 1) this shows that we were revealed to be most important and precious to Him. Just as Pastor Edward could not help but take greater joy and care in his father, we should realize that as the joy we are in Christ, we shouldn't help but take joy in Him more. The rat races of this world are nothing compared to the ONLY race we are called to strive after. Why seek after that true love when the one and first true love has already said YES first? The way to escape depression is not avoidance but rather focusing on the single death that shows Christ's joy and care for us. Indeed, if we are bored, depressed or paranoid, we are looking at the wrong finish line. We need to strive after the finish line, the end, the goal that is Christ. This change begins by realizing that Jesus began and died with us in mind and that we should take and live in joy in Him because of this.

the rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated..

this blog is not dead. i've just been really busy and lazy. when life moves forward and there is no pause button, things tend to prioritize themselves out accordingly. but at the same time, i enjoy blogging so i don't know why i haven't done much of it lately. and frankly, with being unemployed and taking a year off, i should have time for this. and with everyone moving on in life, it makes more sense that at the very least, we'll keep in touch via technology. but yes, hopefully i can blog regularly again and about more than just the mundaneness that is law school application/studying.

but anyways, here is the most recent update on my life. yes, i am taking the year off and home, but i've been in law school beast mode throughout the last 2-3 weeks. i've gotten a good chunk of all the apps and what not out of the way (ie: the tedious stuff) but i still got the personal statement, optional essays, my LSAT (dec 5) and financial aid stuff to take care of. hopefully once the fee waiver goes through, that will give me the green light to send in all 20+ of my applications. yes, you read that right.

i do have my different worries about these different tasks that await me. for the personal statement, i feel so awkward and at an impasse essentially having to boast and "market" myself. obviously i can't write everything in that limit so every word, every character counts. never has an essay been this simple but so... scary? as for my LSATs, i'm banking it on just this december's exam date.. because this is the only test i'm taking on time, and it is the last exam date that the elite schools accept, my chances for enrolling for fall '10 rides on this one shot.. otherwise i'll be looking at another year off and who knows what that will bring.

this is pretty much what consumes my free time, and it would consume my life if it wasn't for proverbs 19:21 (look it up!). it gives me perspective. it gives me peace. it quiets my worries and comforts me.